Ive not been able to finish this blog as I wished.
As i mentioned my laptop broke and then my busy, hectic schedule took over as usual and I just couldnt finish it and bring you all the info about what I was up to in my last months in Korea...
Im pretty gutted about not being able to finish it properly but now Im back home I need to just finish it off...maybe not the same as I wanted to but anyway!(I have too many pics to bore you all with that Ill defo be showing you when I get home. My walls will be covered with Eeunjae and Wendy for sure)
Teaching in South Korea has been amazing.Its been a time to grow, a time to reflect, a time to change, a time to just sit in Gods presence and listen and be still and let him work in my heart. I feel like I sacrificed so much to go to Korea and although Im at home now trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart Im trusting God and Ive got a peace.
From a spiritual point of view I really needed my year away in Korea.With gritted teeth I left people I didnt want to, mainly Jai. I knew there was things in my life that needed to change, things about me and my lifestyle that I really needed to work on. It was priority. I also met someone I adored yet I could never give him all of myself coz I felt so unright with God . How can you give yourself to someone when you feel that way? I knew he deserved better, I knew I deserved better so it was an extra reason to go and just be with God and let him sort me out.
I had hurts I needed to be healed, desires of my heart that needed tweaking! And... I feel like its been done. Im back now and some of the things I thought would be here arent here anymore and theyve changed. Its heartbreaking but it was a sacrifice I chose so Im just trying to put into practice what I learnt in Korea about trusting in God in everything.
My christian mates told me before I went to Korea that God would really wrap me up in that year, in that place and just really minister to me and really just Love me. And you know what ? It was all so true. He really did. He healed me in so many ways, he changed the desires of my heart... so many things.. I never believed someone like me could say they're ready to commit to anyone in marriage for a start (and really mean it), to start a family (and really mean it), to give everything to someone (and really mean it). I cant believe the change in my heart. Its amazing lol Its just too late for some things here. Bad timing. Again, I have to keep trusting in Gods amazing plan for my life. Coz Im sure he has one!
My time in Korea was just a really beautiful experience and I needed to go for my sanity, for my growth. Although Ive some regrets and pains about certain things that I should and shouldnt have done Ive learnt the past few days that I need to just let go, try to move on and just try to accept things as they are and accept mistakes Ive made along the way.
God is amazing and so I will end my blog here as Jackie says in a ccc way ('cheeesy christian crap' way). I will never forget the things I gained there, the people I met there, the friends that I laughed with, the friends I cried with, the kids I taught, the very special friend I lost there, the healing, the grief, the huge life changing decisions, the hurt and torture of being away from my ex- potential husband while his parents died, the risks, the trusting, the Love God poured out onto me, the big, complex changes in my heart.
I will never forget my year in South Korea.
The year God put me in an incubator to just Love me, minister to me and wrap me up.
The year he took me away from everything to just hold me in the palm of his hand.
'And we know that in all things God works for te good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose'
