Wedding Belles...Phil yer a Wifey !!!

This is just a quick post to say how beautiful my friend Philippa looked on her Wedding Day and how sorry I am that I couldnt be there for it. This girl has found the guy of her dreams and I hope her and Andy will be really happy together. She deserves all the happiness after some of the crap boyfriends we endured in our teens!

Maybe its a good job I didnt attend really I think I would have balled my eyes out...

Passion for Food !

Maaaan Im starting up on some hardcore weights for a girl of my short size and weakness and am frightened that Im gonna get massif if I carry on :( Last night my 'captain' ushered me off with one of the young trainers and directed him to put me up a programme.Suprised at my own strength and not really knowing where its come from I dont really even feel that sore this morning which is really weird for what I pulled last night! When I first started I could barely lift a thing but from no where I seem to have acquired this strength and my muscles are repairing themselves pretty qiuckly too. Cool stuff but seriously I need to not get too into all this.. Dont wanna end up looking like these women weight lifters with no boobies.So after an hour of yoga and an hour and a half of more stretching, cardio and weight training I was ready for home where I had a pretty restless sleep my mind thinking about all kinds of strange things... I could have seriously got up and gone for a run in the middle of the night I seemed to have so much energy. So strange. Thinking about it though I do eat like a bloke and cant say no to food. EVER. If I ate just half of what I ate (even though its all healthy stuff) I think it would make a big difference but I guess I just love my food too much and thats the way its gonna stay !

Recovered :)

Finally recovered from the Friday Night Camping 'fun' as Jackie likes to call it...

My toes are still in tact. God only knows how.

Slept most of Saturday morning after my ordeal and then went over to Kyrans for a nice meal and then ventured into town with Cara for a chat and beer. Pretty good. Kyrans was really nice to go to and after we'd eaten a nice meal together she'd cooked up with her student, we played scrabble! I laughed at myself playing scrabble on a Saturday Night... ! Never in the U.K...in fact never at all ! Was pretty funny and Im ashamed to say that I think the Koreans beat me :( haa. Some english post- grad I am ! :)

Today has been cool too. Missed the morning service at church as I helped out with the kids club. Was a bit mad really but funny all the same! Kind of looked lie a pig tip by the time we'd finished but that kidies for ya :) The rest of the day I just hung out with the girls which was pretty cool. I seriously dont do this enough nowadays. Sketchy Betchy (lol) cooked up some proper class fajitas and we had a small group meeting and talked more about future plans in Africa. Getting pretty excited...

Sleeping like Tramps

I thought that my coldest night in Korea had gone but boy was I wrong!

Last night me Cara, Jackie and Sarah jumped in a taxi to Taejosan backpacks and all with the idea in mind to sleep up the mountain after a bit of gentle night hiking. When we reached the entrance we were unfortunatly met by a night guard who wouldnt let us up the mountain. Jackie phoned a mate who could interpret correctly for us but still it was no good coming back with the answer of just 'No'. We were pretty gutted and Jackies cunning plan for next time is to hide in the trees. Haaaaaaaaaaaaa. Can just imagine us all hiding in trees man. Haaaa.

Anway we decided to go to a local mountain near Jackies instead so jumped into another taxi and hiked a little to a rather bright spot with a brand new pagoda. We lay down our stuff, the girls properly equiped with sleeping bags, silly me with a throw...I figured that my duvet would be too big to put in my dinky backpack so I grabbed my throw and loads of layers thinking Id be warm enough. Whoa was I wrong.At first it was pretty warm and really nice with the sound of the rain drops hitting the fresh ground up there but after we'd all dozed off into our dreaming I awoke with a soaking wet face and my body shaking incontrollably.The wind had carried the rain and I was sprayed with moisture. Cara next to me and Sarah on the other side I checked my watch. Only 1am. I tried to go back to sleep moaning to myself in my frozen state. I awoke again and checked the time 3am. Only 3am ! This time I was even more soaked and the little throw Id brought barely covered me. My leg went completely numb and by this point I couldnt feel my feet :) haha. I tried getting some sleep being woken every half an hour or what seemed it, not really sleeping...I realised that everyone else was wrapped up warm around me in waterproof sleeping bags. Waterproof. I was lay there with a little tiny throw with a wet coat over my head and an either freezing cold front or a freezing cold back depending on the side I lay on. I was so so so cold.And felt such a muff. At the point where I didnt think I could get any colder I woke Jackie up to see if she had any more clothes, I already had on a vest top, three jumpers, my walking pants, a major thick pair of socks, a coat over my head and a throw but I was still shaking!

Not wanting to wake anyone up I eventually woke Jackie who gave me some more socks, some mitts and another jumper.I got the courage to stand up and put on my ajuma winnie the pooh pyjama bottoms and another of Jackies body warmers. I felt like the michelin man. Sarah then kindly opened her sleeping bag up and let me share the warmth from that. It was a serious COLD, WET night but funny now Ive got warm back at home. It makes me shiver think about it !

NEVER AGAIN! (until summer anyway!)

A serious crap cook

Just got in from a hards days work and a nice yoga sesh and thought Id cook myself a bit of supper since as I havent had dinner or lunch. Poured myself a nice glass of red got into my snuggly pyjamas and got my rice on while I heated up some quick and easy chinese black bean sauce and stir fried some lean pork and vegetables. Sounds so lovely ubt Im seriously the worst cook ever. The rice is undercooked, the sauce didnt heat up (but fired all over my microwave), the vegetables and soya are broken and overcooked. But it tastes good. To me anyway :)And, I suppose thats the only thing that matters coz Im the only one eating it tonight!

One of the worst house hold chores in my book is cleaning the microwave after somethings expoded in it...think Ill leave it until morning. Il probably be sick cleaning it now after Ive just eaten this delicious meal ;) Anyway! Not to worry as Im going to ny friend Kyrans house on Saturday to learn how to cook Korean style. So even if I cant cook normal rice (in a rice cooker ) maybe theres still hope for me.Just maybe...

It a Love Affair !

This is what makes my day worthwhile seeing little Emily my new Fantasy 1-1 student on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday mornings. She's such a cutie I think Ive seriously fallen in love with this little girl. She is SO mischevious it hurts and constantly cracks me up with her face expressions, her korean and her telling me off constantly for my bad stick drawings. She usually screams the classroom down for 'ball game' as soon as she enters my room and we spend a good 15 minutes of my lesson learing new vocab whilst she makes me howl with her throwing techniques. She reminds me of how me and Sarah used to be as kids for example when we get to the letter 'L' in the alphabet she sometimes struggles to think of a word so I usually say, 'L for Love' and she'll just writhe about saying 'urrrghhh!' pretty much like little boys do when you ask them if they like girls or if theyve got a girl friend or if someone's kissed out their teeth if they have gappy smiles ! She looks like butter wouldnt melt in her mouth but this girls got serious attitude :) She's so beautiful and cheekily stretched out her little legs on my knees today as I was sat in front of her listening to our phonics tape (which by the way she hates) The class was originally five but it seems that its just be and Emily now and Im not complaining. This kid's COOL !

Confession

Was feeling pretty bright yesterday after my killer sleep from relaxing at Caracalla with the girls on Sunday evening so arranged with Cara that after my yoga session I'd meet up with her at E-mart and we'd do some late night food shopping.Id not eaten again since breakfast so I was pretty starving hungry by the time we'd done at 11.30. Fighting the urge to eat and guzzle all the food off the shelves on the way round E-mart, me and Cara came to the dreaded, minging but tastes great Mccy D's.

Yes..not only did I eat a whole shanghai chicken burger meal to myself with Coke (I never drink coke yuk!) I also ordered a rice milkshake and I egged Cara to buy more fries coz I was still hungry after all that...oh the shame :( Not only is that a mortal sin for any gal in training like I am but at 11.30 pm and right after yoga tooo. Cara...no more late night food shopping trips at Emart.Serious.

Paddies Night, Plans and being Plucked and Prodded...

So Saturday night was nice to get out and meet up with Jolie, Jackie and Jenny. We went to ShabuShabbu and had a nice meal together and it was nice to catch up with some girlie chat. Afterwards me and Jolie headed to a few shops and then went to meet up with some new mates of mine in the ever so dingy niche bar. By the time we got there the beer was flowing and it was nice to see some old faces round the table. After a few drinks we headed over to Dujongdong in taxis and then ventured over to the very dead Coyote Ugly and then to a noraebang. All I can say is that I was HIGHLY entertained by the drunkeness and it felt good not being wasted myself like the old days. It was pretty cool and funny to just watch other people fall about and listen to their drunken songs. The people I was out with never sease to make me nearly wee my pants when but this weekend has got to be the funniest. Maybe they just seems so funny coz we're in Korea and there's less mancunian and londoner nutcases around like us!

Sunday was really nice too. I got up for church and the had the 2nd spiritual gift seminar with Raylene Tucker. A lot more peeps showed up this weekend and it was really nice to chat to new folk who've just recently arrived. Afterwards we went for kimbap nara and then icecream at Baskin Robbins...then coffee (and I had cakes :) )at Paris Baguette....haha. Me Cara and Jenny then went to my (was) minging, (fluffballed) apartment and we chilled out and watched Futurama for an hour before the evening meeting group at Gordons beautiful pad. He cooked up a fab Spaghetti Bol which was really tasty and we chatted at length about some really interesting stuff. After watching a Rob Bell dvd which got us talking about how 'rich' we all really were (it was pretty disturbing stuff) it got a lot of people really thinking and talking. The group Ive joined from church is really interesting. Everyone is really different and theres so many intriquing characters with so many different backgrounds. It was nice to come together and be able to discuss what we could actualy do that could make a difference to thrid world countries such as Africa as a small group and we've arranged to talk about it more next week which sounds really exciting.

Africa is on a lot of our hearts and the problems there at the moment are more severe than most of us will ever probably realise unless we get involved and get really educated about these complexities. Alfred (who I call Albert constantly... Im sorry Alfred) is from Tanzania and Jenny the new girl is from South Africa and it was really interesting to hear what they had to say about some of the things that came up in the discussion. I think its really cool the way that we've all been brought together like this. I mean, we're all from different places, we've all got different backgrounds and life stories and it just amazes me how weve all come together like this.It makes me smile inside knowing that we've all got similar passions to get involved in missionary work at some point in our lives and when Africa is on a lot of our hearts and when we have educators like Alfred from Tanzania it makes me laugh inside about being brought together with people like this. People who really have the hearts to work on things that could bring about positive change.Its pretty exciting.

Recently Ive been thinking about my place in South Korea. I came out here for many reasons. Firtsly to save, to get teaching experience, to experience another culture and to learn about traditions and people in more depth, to develop my character, to become stronger as a person and last but certainly not least, to become closer to God and to learn more about him. The past four months have been pretty amazing over here.I feel in some ways like Ive been in a whirlwind of a mixture of different feelings. Ive experienced such love from this place, the people, the famililes and the whole culture is extremely warm and hospitable and even the little things like eating dinner together is such a collective, warm activity. Ive felt so looked after and loved and the people here are really so warm. Despite this however Ive really started asking God why of all the places has this really been on my heart to come here (putting aside the fact that this was a good place to save). Why of all the places have I come to a place where everything in relation to a place like Manchester seems so okay and so together...so little problems socially compared to my home city. Maybe Im just really uneduated about Korea right now but I guess im just really interested in where the hurting is and where theres work that can be done.After praying about it a lot recently I spoke to my friend Jolie after seeing a poster on a wall in Patch Hall and I got really excited to find out that theres a compassionate ministries group which do work with North Koreans and in Orphanages in the South Korean Community.Im hoping that its something that can get involved with as Id really like to learn more over here and try to help in some way and give back to the people of South Korea what they have given me so far.Will keep you updated.

Sunday Evening was really funny as me, Betch-shi(haaaaa)Jacki, Cara and Julene went to a jimjilbang in Ssangyongdong for a good bit of naked, girlie pampering! Have got to say me and Jacki were a little bit too loud and excited after being in the heated pools too long and then jumping into the freezing cold pools afterwards. I must say that I felt a little high after doing that and we got into quite a bit of trouble and got shouted at to be quiet by a mad anjuma. I couldnt stop laughing and felt as though I was gonna faint I laughed that much and was so cold. I think I was in a bit of shock though still from being prodded by the naked korean women as I was getting undressed. I kindly had my body curiously examined by three older women and a dear child, had my thong twanged and was asked in horror and disbelief about my piercings and what I'd do with my belly button piercing when I was to have a baby...either that or one of the women asked me if I was preggers ! Arrrggghhh ! I just had to laugh with them at myself :)

After being harrassed by naked korean anjumas and getting an earful by a very cross and disconcerted massage 'wady' me and Cara bumed into Calvin who gave us a very convenient lift home where I had the best sleep I think Ive had in a while aaaahhhh.

Morning Hike to Taejosan

Okay so I woke up really early this morning as my minds been going nuts recently about whether I should be back home or whether I should stay here. I decided to go for a morning hike with Jackie to clear my mind which always helps a little when my mind's in turmoil over stuff. The hike was gentle for one of Jackies but was really nice. The weather has been really lovely today and just the right temperature to walk up a mountain in. Brought back a few memories of Candy after Id got back into Cheonan town. Happy ones though. Boy do I miss her at school.Must be strong.

Thought I waas going to pass out after the long strip of stairs up to the giant Buddah but carried on hoping that the damage Ive done to my muscles this week after my hard training at the gym wont be too bad tomorrow when I get up :) We had lots of nice breaks though on the way up and down and sat on some nice 'ladies lumps' and had a nice long break in the sunshine overlooking the trees in the distance.We also ventured into a cave full of bats which I was pretty hasty to get out of. Jai shoud probably know Im scared to death of the little flying rats after our trip to Chester Zoo last year when I left the bat house screaming at the top of my voice like a kid :)Was a good day though :)

Was nice to get out on a Saturday Morning and be back in time to chill out for the rest of the afternoon in my little apt. Now Jo's gonna chill out with a session of Futurama and then get ready for a night out of St Patricks Day socialising in the now very famous vicinity of DujongDong.

Happy Birthday Sian and Anouska !!!! Miss you lots and lots :( Dont need to tell you both to have a good night...:)

chow4now

Different Ideals of Beauty

You know sometimes when you get that frustrated that you wanna scream really,really loud for just one minute to make yourself feel tons better like a kid does? Well I wanted to do that today. Twice actually. Not just a quiet scream but a really, really loud one. One that could burst your ear drums. One that would really hurt if anyone heard it. I think if I go hiking on Saturday when I reach the top of the mountain Im going to think back to the times today when I wanted to scream my head off and yell as loud as I can :) RELEASE !!!!

Sometimes the frustration of not speaking Korean takes its toll on me but instead of screaming something in me just goes a bit mental instead! Haaaaaa :) Anyway...its just one of those things I've still got to get used to. Am determined to learn a few new phrases and words this week but you know what ? Even when I have Steven in the class with me to interpret the words I give them some of the kids still dont understand...haaaahaa. I got to laugh about it maaaan :)

Taught the teachers for a while after my last proper class. Its a bit annoying the way that Im just sprung on with lessons and not told when and when not Im supposed to teach them but anyway...another thing Ill have to get used to this year I think! Its really nice to have a chat and teach them a few new things but still, the language barrier is so difficult sometimes. I just wish that I could just have ONE conversation with them in Korean or English. Just one so I could see what each of them are really like and talk to them properly about the things they want to learn from me. Would be so cool ! Today Sujan cried coz of the frustration of not being able to communicate with me properly. I felt her pain today and just had to tell her that I loved her after ( in Engish and Korean) and gave her a cuddle :( I wanted to cry with her today I really did :( !

Tonight we talked about beauty ideals in Asia compared to Britain. I explained how in the U.K a tanned body is quite the height of fashion (which has been in recent years). The women in my class discussed how they admire white skin and how they desire fair and pure like complexions. It reminded me of all the advertisements I surveyed and came across when I was doing my research for my Dissertation last year (Wow ! Cant believe its last year !! aaarrgghh ) and I felt really sad about it.... the way us women back at home go on the sun bed, how me and my mates slap on the fake tan and how we spend a fortune on the right bronzers to give us those year round 'glows'.The women here on the other hand opt for the whitening creams and last week whilst in Seoul I actually got a free gift from the clinique counter which consisted of a Derma White Moisture Bar, Derma White Super City Block (spf40), Derma White Moisture Cream, Derma White Powder Makeup, all packed into a whiter than white makeup bag with a white head band.My friend tells me that the products have some kind of reaction with the skin that evens out and lightens the complexion which sounds a bit scary to me even though they're clinique products! Skin bleaching... sounds painful :(

Designed for asian skins I certainly wont be using them as they'll probably strip the skin off my face.In fact, when I first got out here I tried a cream sample which brought me out in a full face of dermatitis which the doctor over here says I may have forever now (gutted) It's gone but it may come back with stress and that was one of these lightening creams.

Will be seriously careful in future about what I try. Next time I could be scarred. Wont need to pay for a face peel in a few years will just have to sample the cream I tried again a few more times :)

Anyway just talking to the teachers tonight made me think about the differences in how the women over here look after their skin probably a lot more than us Brits do. I explained to a mate how I cant wait to get on the beach in a few weeks time and she told me that its really funny to see as she explained that Koreans usually cover up their bodies some even fully dressed lounging on the beach in the complete and utter heat. You wouldnt see that in Britain I tell you now ! As soon as that suns out in the U.K which is incredibly rare I have to say, the guys have got their t-shirts off, the gals have got their summer dresses on with rarely care for any spf. Talk about asking for skin damage. I spoke with a male aquaintance about it the other day and he claimed that he cant wait for summer so he can see even more girls flesh...unlucky for him he probably wont be seeing any more korean girls flesh than he's seeing now.Little does he know :) Hee.

Its been interesting so far just chatting about it and Ive actually thought about how much time I sit in the sun without skin protection! A little worried about how I must actually look to the teachers and kids I work with. Suppose I go to the beach one weekend when its really hot and catch a great suntan. Will I look really burnt to them and ugly ? Its a strange thought but I wonder...!

I remember before I came to Korea when i was working on a makeup counter at Boots and an Asian lady came in to try some different shades of foundation base for her skin. I remember her husband with her and her gradually getting more and more upset because the colours I was giving her were not the light colour she desired. It seemed that she wanted a colour that was far too light and her husband was arguing with her speaking in another language trying to get her to choose a colour that was more of a natural, darker shade for her. This woman got so upset because he wouldnt let her buy a light shade. She got so upset she was practically crying and I really felt for her and felt a bit guilty that I didnt persuade her husband to let her have the colour she desired. She didnt speak much english but all I wanted to say to her that her skin was lovely the way it was and she didnt need a colour so light. Her husband also agreed but stil this lady had a mission to get lighter looking skin. So much that she appeared to be at breaking point because of it :(

I wonder what its gonna be like when my kids are grown up. What the new fads are gonna be. What women are gonna desire to look like and become compared to what we want to look and desire to be like now. Its a shame us women cant just be happy and content with what we've got.Maybe one day we will :) Have got to say though that I cant wait to see people on the beach this summer fully clothed :) Will post some pictures I promise!

Happy White Day Laadees!

Well, its White Day here in Korea. The day where the ladies get sweeties off there fellas ! Valentines Day is a bit different over here as the women tend to give their beloveds chocolate on that day and then White Day is where the guys give their girlfriends candy. Theres also Black Day in a few months and apparently singletons of South Korea buy chocolate and candy for themselves :) Sounds like what I do every day :)

Well anyway, Ive eaten a lot of stuff I shouldnt have today and its a good job I worked out well this morning thats all I can say ! The new teacher gave me a couple of boxes of Jeju Island chocolates and they're sat in the kitchen calling me again... uh oh ;) I also got some sweets and chocolate from Sujan and Wendy my managers nieces which theyve just helped me to open. They are so sweet- Ive seriously fallen in love with them. Im gonna miss them so much when I have to say goodbye at the end of this year.

Anyway. Focus on the present! Mum booked her flight out to see me the other day and I cant wait ! Ive signed us up for the 10km race with my church next month and am really looking forward to doing something like that together! Bit of Mother and Daughter trouble ! Think it'll be pretty funny ! I Worked out for four hours this morning feeling pretty guilty about the past two weeks of not going every single day like I used to. I started a new yoga class today and its so different to the evening class I usually go to. The night class is much more chilled out and relaxing whereas the morning one is a bit crazy and energetic but fun anyhow ! I woke up at 8am and was determined not to go back to sleep like yesterday. I made myself get up and started training straight away. Managed a good 7 km on the runner and another 6 on the bike and am going to have to time myself in a few days to see how long I think it'll take me to run 10 km. Hehe. Ill be running forever with these little legs of mine :)

Seriously now...Im no runner at all. Yeh Im getting fitter- but no Im not a runner. I cant sprint for toffee! Im more of a take it my own pace sort of person so we'll have to see! Anyway after my warm up I did a good weights session and then ventured upstairs for my yoga sesh.Am feeling quite tired after work (was busy today) and now Ive eaten my supper so think Im gonna hit the sack...mmmmm warm bed.Dont think Ill get up tomorrow for training.Hee.

Was Lion now Fan :)

So the kids at my school have been really wild again today as usual but one thing that makes me laugh is the names they choose for themselves :) Lion, pictured here is one of my favourite kids at school. Hes really naughty in class but out of class he always comes to me and says 'Hi' or 'Hello' and gives me sweets and is just really pleasant. He sits in class and fidgits around not really listening most of the time and just sings to himself or says things in Korean really loudly and pulls stupid faces to himself sometimes writhing around on the floor. Funny but annoying when he disrupts my class. I cant help but Love him though :) The other day I had a great chance to get some photos of him. He toddled into my class and just spent a bit of time with me letting me take some close ups. We had a laugh and Amy looked while he smiled for the camera messing about with his little jam jars trying to be funny with his slightly runny nose, cute wonky teeth and cheeky grin. How can you not think this kids cute? The tracksuit he occasionally wears is the best ! Its acid green, velour and cracks me up everytime I see him in it.The clothes Mums out their kids in over here are so cute seriously ! Originally his name was Lion but he informed me today that he's changed it to Pad for some strange reason :) Some of the other kids have great english names like Willy, Danie, but the best has to be my mates kid Robot! Am definately taking this one !

Its laughter with the kids and the funny moments like this that make the whole experience out here so much worth while. It beats teaching the naughty kids anyday...but thats a different story !

And Now Comes His Peace

This week has probably been the worst Ive had in South Korea which is why I havent written any proper drafts this week as Ive been far too busy trying to sort out my head with God and questioning him about why some stuff has recently happened. Sorry for those who've been waiting for news and pictures :( God is just dealing with so many issues Ive had to face this week back at home and over here in my heart.

I feel like Ive been under spiritual attack a little this week for the first time since Ive got here and its been a struggle also accepting some stuff thats going on right now too. It seems as though everytime I make a big step further towards Christ I get an attack blasted at me.Ive also had a taste of the major blues which stems back from about three years ago now and Ive been pretty 'fearful and tearful' worrying about things I should have put straight into Gods hands that I just havent. Sometimes I feel like the things in my head are so complicated for me to understand that they're too complex and messy to hand over to God but the truth is that even though I sometimes cant even comprehend the turmoil in my head and heart myself, nothing is too big for God to handle. Absolutely nothing. And the best thing is knowing that he wants us to give it all to him like he says in Matthew,

Come to me, all of you who are weary and heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yolk upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart , and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light (11:28-30)

Its only been a fairly recent thing that Ive really come back to God in the bid to try to get hold of my faith again that I had as a kid 'on fire for Christ'. Deciding to come back to my faith and the cross has been spiritually amazing but Ive had my struggles like any normal human. Since Ive been in Korea God has lifted me up and shown his amazing love for me like never before in my whole life. Before I came out here I did the Alpha Course at my new church in Manchester and it really broke down my hard exterior I'd built to shut God out of my life. It was in that time that I came really close to God again and really decided to try all over again with him. I make mistakes everyday even now and it breaks my heart alot knowing that Im breaking his but Im trying and I feel like God is really changing my heart. As far as this week's gone though Ive felt so close to God yet so far. I feel like he's really testing me to just give everything to him right now. Everything. Things I dont want to. Things I forgot about years ago. Feelings I forgot about. Things Ive done in the past. People Ive hurt. Things that are eating me up and things that Im struggling with now.Not only has my time here been amazing in that hes drawn me close to him but hes dealing with me in such an intricate, unique and gentle way. It feels like he's opening me up in so many ways all over again even though I'm letting him down over and over. Which reminds me of,

But then I will lead her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did once ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt. When that day comes " says the Lord, "you will call me 'my husband' instead of 'my master' ... (Hosea 2 14:23)

Bringing up past hurts, bringing up things I havent thought about for years, some things I 've never even thought about before. Ive felt such a dip into depression this week and have had a reminder of how I felt a few years ago when something really terrible happened in my life.Its like the breath of that emptyness and that morbidity has just come cak to haunt me this week and as just completely frozen me. I havent been myself at all and time has flown by with me looking back on the week not really knowing where the hours went never mind the days. When I was younger I narrow mindedly thought that depression was just an excuse that people used to get time off work...boy was I wrong. Really wrong. Thankfully I got over my period of it after a long time of hurting and rawness. This week though...I just got a few flashbacks of how I was back then a few years ago due to things that have happened this week. Im so glad this week is over but I cant ignore what happened this week and need to acknowledge it and pray that it wont happen again with such intensity. I also need to commit everything to God. I feel like God allowed me to have a bad week to remind me how bad and empty my life was without him but to move on with him and to have my prayers and requests answered (which Im putting to him now) I guess I need to give him everything I have which I was taught about in the second workshop I had about Discerning the Will of God this weekend. The scripture in both workshops have been the exact scripture sent to me via emails, letters and in cards sent by people from home in recent weeks and months since Ive been here and this has just amazingly reconfirmed to me some of the things that I really think God is trying to talk to me about right now.

The image of an empty jigsaw puzzle came to me a long time before I came out here when I was starting to go back to church again and I felt that the image in my head was to do with my life without God in it and I feel like it's symbolic in my life even now trying to live my life obediently to God. I really felt before I came that these constant images of this jigsaw puzzle (with pieces missing, pieces in the wrong places, pieces I didnt even know where to put to fit in with the others) was really significant. During the workshop towards the end Alicia, (the speaker ) held up an empty jigsaw puzzle which she explained symbolised Gods Vision for us in our lives. Without the principles (that she spoke to us about during the workshop) she stated that the vision of God in our lives would not come about and be revealed to us. The principles, morals, our surrender to God in giving him our all, our everything, by us being passionate and praying to him everyday and being obedient to him is what Alicia said will fill that empty puzzle frame communicating a vision to us for our lives. Gods vision for our lives.That was pretty amazing to listen to being able to link it to images I'd had of this empty jigsaw puzzle months ago. Speaking to a good friend of my Mums was a real blessing before I got out here as she reminded me in our natter and her testimony that our lives should be centered about what God wants for us in our lives and not about what we want. Her words were exactly 'Just Remember. Its about what God wants for you. Not what you want'. Good advice.

Wondering what God is going to do with me and my life has been something on my mind a lot recently so I was really intrigued when I found out about the workshop about this Discerning the Will of God. Im the kind of person who likes and kind of NEEDS (!)to know what's round the corner, what Ive got planned for the next 12 months of my life. In fact for the last six years (probably more) Ive always had a big picture in my head of things Ive wanted to do, lining them all up, making plans to travel and do things Ive always wanted. Right now though the next twelve months after my contract is up here is blurry. In some ways its pretty scary for someone like me to not have something seriously planned out, a place to go thats set in my mind but I really do feel like God is saying right now to slow down ...and just wait on him...to enter his presence and revel in it... drawing closer to him... leaning on him and learning to just trust him. Home I will go. Home Im being called. But not yet he says.

After this weeks whisperings of being unable to be obedient to God will all my being and even after the workshop on Discerning the Will of God I felt pretty overwhelmed and worried about how Im gonna give up and stop doing some of the things I know are displeasing to God. Hes been tapping me on the shoulder about so many things, things hes speaking into my life about, things in the past that are gently playing on my mind in dreams and flashbacks and so on. One verse that has come to me through many friends recently and at the ladies retreat though is this, And I am certain that God, who began a good work within you will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Jesus Christ returns (Phil 1:6)

Despite these feelings this week that Im not gonna succeed in pleasing God due to things Im struggling with... this verse has been my vice reminding me that God will not let me down and that if I give myself to him gwith a genuine heart and ask for his help he will help to build me up, he will give me strength with my struggles and he will carry on his good work in me in the changing of my heart. The womens retreat in Songtan with my church came at the right time for me. After a whole week of heavy tears and keeping on a brave face at work part of me really didnt want to go but another part dragged me out of bed, got me showered, put on my makeup and put me in a taxi. The other part wondered what I was doing in that taxi so down that morning on my way to a womens retreat when I could have been in my warm bed. Im so glad I fought that little voice telling me not to go though.

The first workshop was on 'Purity' and its one thing that God has spoken to me about greatly the past few months since I started going back to church.

The workshop was about Purity in general and about how being pure can create more intimacy with ourselves and God. Strangely the book I recently read, 'Redeeming Love' was also about purity and Gods grace and amazing love and was linked to the verse on my mind quoted above from Hosea about God winning back Israel. Giving our whole selves to him as living sacrifices was the verse that was spoken about mainly at a summer camp I went to with my home church this summer ( Soul Survivor) before I came to Korea and this verse was given also at the workshop which really stood out for me. The speaker also discussed how obeying the father can regain our beauty that we feel has been lost through our past sin. One thing that God really used before coming out here was a very close mate of mine. She 's quite a new friend but I Love this girl as a sister and before I left God put her in my life (as I requested in prayer for a good, unboring christian mate!) and he spoke volumes to me through her. She carries such purity and beauty about with her it runs out of her every pore. This girl has been such a witness to me, she's amazing and this girl is someone I really look up to in such a big way.

The rest of the discussion was about how we should defend out hearts and minds, and through meditation. The workshop made me realise that in practicing obedience, purity can be gained bringing an intimacy with God that is untouchable. The question posed to us by Becca (the speaker) was 'Are We Looking Towards God to meet our Emotional Needs?' She called the emotional affairs with others 'heart adultery' and also discussed the lack of emotional needs that our earthly fathers do not give to us which made me think of so many people I know, female mates and male mates who have felt often so let down by their earthly Fathers. Things they've said, things they havent said, things that havent been done, things that have, the list goes on.

Speaking to mates about this over the past few months just here has made me realise that so many are let down by their earthly fathers even if they are present in their lives.

Knowing this and after this weekend, God has just reconfirmed to me with so much scripture that he, this father, our Godly father, will never let us down. No matter what. Nothing is too big for him to handle, nothing will separate us from his love and he'll never let us down or out of his grip.And thats worth praising him for alone.

Recovering

Well ! Have recovered a little from the mad weekend away in Namhaedo ! Me and Rhys headed for a cool Galbi place near mine after the quick and speedy KTX back to Cheonan and ate as much as we could stomach. Bumped into Suki in Seoul waiting for the same train and I giggled about what a coincidence is was. Had a power cut in my apartment last night so had an excuse to light some candles and have an early night with God. Felt really anxious actually as I get a bit scared when things like that happen when Im alone but I drifted off to sleep pretty quick after Id said my prayers :)

School was good today. Nice and busy and Im learning more korean phrases so it seems to be more fun ! :) Steven has given me a notebook which hes written in and printed off some korean things for me to learn like numbers and basic korean greetings and phrases so Im gonna really try to learn as much as I can from now on. Apparently my pronuciation is really good :) the problem is my memory so Im gonna have to just practice loads and as much as I can ! Im so excited ! Im not that bothered about even learning to read and write but Id LOVE to be able to have a decent basic conversation by the time I leave so thats my aim from today that Ive set myself ! Asssssaaa !!!!! (Thats means Yessssssss!!!!!! ) :)

Got some new kids to teach this week and theyre really cute! Am really enjoying the teaching at the moment apart from the lessons where I dont really have much material to work with as the kids get quite bored and so do I ! Steve has said that hes gonna help me out with finding some good grammar books though so looking forward to that :) Its so nice and rewarding to see the kids improving and the past few weeks Ive started to do diary lessons with a few of my classes and some of their work looks so GOOD ! It so nice to hear the teachers also say to me that they think my students are improving. Its so rewarding. Some kids in the beginning wouldnt even look at me never mind talk to me but now they're chatting away and using english whenever they can its so funny :) It makes me really glad :)

My power is finally back on and I dont have to get up tomorrow and go to a jimjilbang to have a shower ! Im glad I went this morning though coz I made a new chingu ! :) Seem to be making loads of mates out here and its so nice to have a wide variety of different people to go out with and have a laugh with. Im a lot more comfortable with the teachers at my hagwon and we have a new teacher who I got introduced to today. She seems really nice but a bit nervous and reminded me today of when I first started. It seems like yesterday but also a very long time ago now ! My teachers class went well again tonight and Ruby brought in family pictures to practise her 'introducing' skills. I was really proud of her ! Must go to bed. Still have sleep to catch up on and wanna go to Yoga tomorrow morning if I get out of bed :) Yeh Right.

Namhaedo Island and Darangee Fishing Village

Aw!! Maaaannn ! I've had such an amazing, fun weekend! We met up at Honkik Subway Station at 8am to catch the Adventure Korea bus and after the next stop at the Express Bus Station we started our very scenic journey down South. There was about 45 of us, Koreans, South Africans, Americans, Canadians, British, a whole mixture of up for a bit of adventure peeps!

We stopped off a few times for dinner, wee breaks and Mekju and Soju shopping and finally after a good few hours (about 6!) we got to the Darangee Fishing Village. As soon as we got off the bus KBS camera crew were there filming! The little place was really striking and pretty and the weather was pretty decent too. The village overlooked the sea and was very green and quite lush really compared to the South Korea Ive seen already. It was nice to meet our Korean Hosts and we got ourselves into a group of 8 and went to drop off our bags. The girls slept in one room overlooking the sea and the front garden and the lads had the back room. The place was really nice and cosy and we met our 'aborgie' and 'armonie' (Mother and Father) and then started back to find the rest of the group who we'd arranged to meet half an hour later.

When we got there we were bundled into the back of an old truck (about ten of us) and driven crazily up the winding paths towards the mini mountain we were going to climb. Unfortunately for me I sat at the back and every minute or two the van grated on the road and I was pretty scared I was gonna fall out. I think everyone got a few good photos of me bagging myself.

We finally :) got out of the back of the van and started up for the mountain. It was quite warm and sunny and a bit hot to walk in so steeply but a really nice little walk and the view was really worth it. We cooled down up there and waited for the others to get up, took some snaps and then ventured down. Thinking we'd taken the wrong path down the mountain we ventured back up to find out that we'd actually been waling on the right path so down we went again. My legs have never felt so toned and the unfit of the group were bright red and gasping for breath when we finally got down. We bundled into the back of the van again and headed to the beach where I paddled and we al chilled out for a bit. It was nice to see the private beach and sea and feel the cool breeze after all the walking and travelling. I had a paddle and enjoyed the view of the dinky island in the distance. It was getting colder though and the sea was freezing so we all walked back to our homestays to get some dinner. Our food that our host cooked for us was a delicious mix of korean side dishes, rice, fried fish (the best Ive tasted in Korea) and good soup and it was nice to get to know so many different people.

After our gorgeous meal we met up with the rest of the group and found the old school where the KBS crew, Korean villagers and children were waiting for us. It got darker pretty quick and soon the games started. We first took part in a relay race. Our group came a close second (my fault we lost :( haha!) and there were wrestling matches which were hilarious ! My mate Asher won the male competition and had to wrestle with the Korean village champion who was about 60 ! Was a pretty hilarious night. Soon the camp fire was lit up and the kids were scarily swinging cans attacthed to string with fire in them. I could just imagine one of the cans slinging off into the air and giving me third degree burns on my face or catching onto my hair. Bald Jo. I was pretty scared but couldnt say no to the challenge and Ive got to say it was pretty fun ! Just a bit scary watching the little tiny kids wanging them about in the air close to the other children. We were all like....' Whoa !

After the fun and games and the korean womens cooking and giving out samples we played some drinking games with Gem's cards and enjoyed the heat of the camp fire. It was a hilarious night and we had to be back to our homestays for 12 ish but had plenty of time to enjoy the chatter and games. We had a right laugh on the way back and I dont think Ill ever forget this trip or the people Ive made friends with.

The next day I was up at the crack of dawn to try to catch the sunset with a slight tinge of a head ache but the sky was so cloudy and muggy that there was no chance so I waited in line for the bathroom and slowly got ready for the fishing trip. We had breakfast which was exactly what we'd eaten the night before but not as quickly! Most of us couldnt stomach the huge meal in front of us from being a bit hungover but I ate loads coz of my new male appetite! I seriously cant stop eating coz of all this exercise Ive been doing recently! After the 'brekkie' more like dinner (! ) we went to catch the bus to the fishing village which was about half an hour away and said goodbye to our hosts and the others who came to wave us off.

The weather was pretty dull and it started to rain pretty quickly but we got an introduction and met the captain of the village and then went to get into our groups and got into our little fishing boats. As soon as we set off I felt a bit queasy and hung over the boat for most of the journey. When we eventually stopped though in the middle of the choppy sea I nearly fell in due to the weight at that side of the boat. The thought knocked me sick and from that moment I felt even worse and hung over the boat for most of the trip after that. It was funny though and we didnt really catch that much! It was raining and was really beautiful and we caught some amazing little brightly coloured starfish, one flat fish and some odd shaped poo like things ! haha !

We rode back in the boat and soon were on land looking and comparing at what the others had caught. Ive never been deep sea fishing before and it was really good despite the motion sickness! One group caught some octopuses and my mate Gem had a good bite of one of the legs while it was still alive. Yummy. She was a bit scared as she could feel its suckers on her throat on the way down. Serves her right. hee! ;) We then had a huge meal of raw fish and other korean side dishes and the noraebang singing (kareoke) got started. It was a really funny day and some of the group started back on the evil soju and were pretty drunk by the time we got back on the bus. We had planned to do some ox farming and rice layering in the fields but the weather was that bad by the time we'd finished eating the gorgeous raw fish that we said goodbye and thankyou to the women who had prepared our food and started back off for Seoul.It was a long trip but a great one and I dont think Ive laughed so much like that for a long time. It was nice to experience something like that with so many cool people! Dont think Ill ever forget the walk home guys or me and Gemma falling by the old, abandoned school ;).All I can say is wet patch ;) She'll know what I mean when I send her the picture (hhaaaaaaaaaa) Good times.

Gotta just add.... Asssssaaaa ! (thats for you Asher ;) )... Vapid! (for the British)...Svarted! (Rhys you minger) .... Yekshemesh!!!!!!!

HeCtIc!

On Wednesday night after we finshed at school we went out for Galbi. We've got two new teachers and Christine and Louise are leaving. Christine is only leaving for a while as she is finding the news about Candy rather difficult and I think shes suffering from depression. I really feel for her.We went out for a huge meal and Mr and Mrs Nam and the kids joined us. Steve the new guy from work and Mr Nam ordered the evil Soju and we all ate talked for a good few hours. The meat was maybe one of the best Ive tasted and Mr Nam ordered extra for us as we were starving!

After, we ventured out into my area of Shin-Bang-Dong and went for a few Mekju's! Ruby and Carly soon left with the new teacher and left me Louise and Steve to finish off the Mekju. I was really annoyed at the end of the night as Steve walked me home insisted in his extremely drunken state that he wanted to come and see my apartment and then fell asleep straight away after jumping onto my bed. I was really annoyed and pretty angry coz he snored like a pig ALL NIGHT, was blowing his snotty nose all over and his phone was going off all night until the morning.

I didnt sleep a wink all night and was pretty cold too. Anyway I got up in the morning and after I got ready to go out (as I had plans that morning ) I woke him up and told him he had to leave. My manager had a chat to him about it and hes apologised saying that it wont happen again. In Korean Culture this is a really bad thing to do and It better not happen again! Yuk.

Anyway, Thursday was the National Holiday and me and Joella decided to go to Yongsan Electronic Market to buy new cameras. It was a long day trekking around all the different, competitive stalls but I managed to find a good deal and we met up with Rhys and a new guy Alex. Me and Joella enjoyed a good Bibimbap overlooking Yongsan square and we also decided to head to Myongdong after for a bit of shopping. I absolutely love that place! Its a really funky area and full of young people, food stalls, little trendy clothes and jewellry shops and it was really busy that evening in fact we got quite lost at one point trying to find the subway station on the way back.After being all 'shopped out' we got the express train back to Cheonan and I went straight to sleep when I got in hoping to be up and ready for School the next day.

On Friday morning I woke up at about 8.30am and texted Ruby and Terry to see what time I had to be in for the hagwons advertising. They didnt reply so I went back to sleep and got woken up by Steve at 9.30 who said that I was being picked up at 9.30.... wasnt impressed. Id got in from Yongsan the night before and had just climbed into bed not bothering washing my greasy mop. I had to get washed, dressed, brush my teeth, get on the make-up,sort out my barnet in about five minutes flat! Probably the quickest Ive ever got ready in my life.

We didnt start the 'advertising' for about another hour after I got to the school and I was constantly thinking how I could have been washing my hair in that time :) We finally drove around the corner in the pouring rain and handed out the Jungchul bumph that we'd prepared on the Wednesday after work together. When they were all handed out to the parents we headed back to the hagwon and sat down for dinner together.Mrs Nam had made one of my favourite spicy squid dishes with rice and we all ate until we had classes to prepare for. Feeling full and tired I wanted to sleep but the day went quite quick and is even more fun now as I have a few more books to work from so its not as stressful anymore just fun !

After work I hurried home to pack for my fishing trip with Adventure Korea and rushed to the train station to catch the train to Seoul. It was a long trip on the bus but the train was pretty quick and it was a relief to find the hostel we were staying at. We sat and ate our kimbap and korean microwave dinners in the cool hostel's living room and watched a film trying to soak up how relaxed me were with mutual understanding that it was gonna be a hectic day the next. After I ate I went off to my bed in the dorm and slept really well waking up at 6 am on Saturday ready for the trip...